Journals

The grief is heavy. It’s all kinds of grief.

Grief for the pregnancy I didn’t get to have –

for the months I didn’t get to carry him,
for the moments I didn’t get to experience.

Grief for the growth he did not get –

the strength and nutrition He didn’t receive.

Grief for the months of pricks and scans and IVs and tests that he will now get.

Grief for the hands-on birth and postpartum that we won’t get.

Grief for the hours lost and the moments missed.

The pull between resting for him and sitting with him.

Grief that Mike and I only have one photo of us together while W was still inside.

Grief that no one but us can see him until he comes home this fall.